Change.

If you are actually reading this, kudos! Thanks for being interested in my craps haha.

Another year is ending soon in few hours time. 

2014 is ..... Too fast? And pretty much sucks. 

It is impossible to list out all the shitty moments and experience I'd throughout the year.

I'd spent first half of the year working (internship, office work & weekends work) , the rest half suffering because of a wrong decision.

The only things worth remembering were probably my getaway trip to Krabi and my personal 'project' was at the peak.

These few months, or should I say the whole year, I'd been utterly upset, too much thoughts occupying my little mind. 

That's not me. My friends and colleagues used to ask why I always looked worry free and happy-go-lucky. I thought I can hide my emotions pretty well till I started receiving comments that I looked sad, troubled, not as cheerful as before at later part of this year. 

I don't know what I want, or actually I do know what I want but I don't know how I should achieve them, is it worth to give up everything and chase it, will I regret, and so on and on and on.

So exhausted and suffocating by my own thoughts. Tearing between going for what will makes me happier and staying to do what is right. 

After days and days of considerations, with lots of different opinions , I'd decided to follow my heart, which is quit school. Yes, majority of people will respond that's not right, I should preserve.But I'm not that type of person who will say give up easily too, it took me a lot of courage to make this decision too. So much things I'd to give up and consider consequences I may face in future.

 But I shall believe in myself I will be fine and accomplish greater things. My life from 2015 onwards will be on my own hands. Really grateful for people around me supporting me. That's all I need. 

And fuck new year resolutions, because I can never achieve them haha.

 Just hoping I will find back myself and be happy with whatever I choose to do, not to regret any more.

xoxo

Solitude.

Hi schadenfreudies.

A rare moment that I had decided to stop all my overwhelming activities,
to lay my fingers on my keyboard and start to write this post. 

Time flies, I had already hit 20. What had I achieved? Was I happy with what I had done so far?
Am I satisfied with my life till now? Things that I had regretted? How my future will be?
The lists of questions just go on and grow. 

I think I had fell in love with being alone. I love the life with all by myself. 
Sometimes with my family, sometimes with just the few numbers of friends I had.
That's good enough.

At this point in life, I just want to catch my dreams, enjoy the limited youth, 
start to travel as much as I can, spending time with my love ones.

I don't need to find someone to share my unhappiness or to love me. 
I believe if things are meant to be, it will come naturally. Right?

Next stage of life is going to start soon~ 
Not really what I wanted to do but... I guess I'll be fine?

-----

Something happy to share after past depressing posts~

My first step to pursue one of my dreams is quite a good one. Although sometimes it is tough, needs lots of energy, patience, time, money and efforts, it keeps me ongoing in life and some aim in life. I am satisfied and going to try best to do better!

Life.

In the stage of life where everything just doesn't feel right.

I detest thinking about my future. I hate growing up.

Just suddenly everything is speeding up. 

I'm so sick and tired of everything.

I just want to sleep my life away. 

A new year a new start.

  

2012 was a year of joy, laughter,  new experiences, unhappiness, 

 facing the death of love one, the hurting truths, 

the ups and downs. 

There were so much lessons taught. Every night I was reflecting. 

 Which decisions are right, which are wrong. 

And what I derived from my thoughts was - no definite answer.  It all depends on how you look at it. 

Soooooooooo my new year quote is.... YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.

Never try you will never know.

For my ah ma.

What's the meaning of life? Born to die. How ironic isn't it? 
  

On the 22nd of October, God had taken my dearest grandma away.

My heart sank when I saw her lying on the bed motionlessly. 

Words can't explain how saddening it was on the thoughts of losing her. 

How much I wish she could just wake up again.

The last day of funeral, the moment the coffin was closed, the moment the coffin was traveling to get cremated, I could not hold back my tears. 

The truth hits me hard, I could not see her ever again.

I cannot believe that she was gone up till now. 

I used to look for her at her favourite hang out places eagerly whenever I went to bukit batok, now I can't.

 Her smile, her wrinkled skin , her voice. I could not forget. 

Young or old, she will be always etched inside my heart forever. 

I just can't go one day without thinking about her. 

Hope she is in a better place now, RIP.

I really can't accept the fact that everyone around me will be gone forever someday somehow. Sigh.

I needs to cherish everyone. Especially my only grandmother left on the my father's side. 

Very thankful for those who show their concerns. xoxo

Dear ah ma, I miss you, I really do. 

 

                                        With loves.

I didn't know it will be this hard.

I surrender.

Laughs.

Never allow anyone to stop you from being happy.

A good news, I am one step closer upon getting a licence!
Finally I passed my BTE after my 2nd try (Okay, I'm ashamed.)

Ever wonder who will really care when you are unhappy?

Such a busy yet boring life I'm leading now.
Sometimes I really wonder why was I not born rich.
Not trying to be materialistic but if I am rich, I can start heading for my dreams and what I really wishes to do right now.
I don't want to waste my youth. Oh mind. What will I be in future?
Okay, cut the crap.

Reality.

Forever is impossible.
It's hard to find someone who will love you forever, unconditionally.